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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Toilet humor has long been the safe haven of your Daily, and writers stay alert to significant toilet tales and historic moments, notably connected to soccer. What a delight it was to learn that an online journalist Adrian Chiles has a West Brom-themed urinal at his home. Consider the situation about the Tykes follower who interpreted the restroom a little too literally, and needed rescuing from the vacant Barnsley ground post-napping in the lavatory midway through a 2015 losing match against Fleetwood Town. “He had no shoes on and had lost his mobile phone and his cap,” stated a representative from Barnsley fire services. And nobody can overlook during his peak popularity at Manchester City, the controversial forward popped into a local college to access the restrooms back in 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then came in and was asking where the toilets were, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a pupil informed a Manchester newspaper. “Later he simply strolled around the college grounds like he owned the place.”

The Lavatory Departure

Tuesday represents 25 years from when Kevin Keegan quit as England manager following a short conversation in a toilet cubicle alongside FA executive David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, following that infamous 1-0 defeat against Germany in 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the legendary venue. As Davies recalls in his journal, his confidential FA records, he stepped into the wet troubled England locker room immediately after the match, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams motivated, both of them pleading for the official to reason with Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies found him slumped – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, whispering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Stopping Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to salvage the situation.

“What place could we identify [for a chat] that was private?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Merely one possibility emerged. The restroom stalls. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history occurred in the ancient loos of an arena marked for removal. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I shut the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I'm unable to energize the team. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Aftermath

Consequently, Keegan quit, later admitting that he had found his period as Three Lions boss “without spirit”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I struggled to occupy my time. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's an extremely challenging position.” The English game has progressed significantly during the last 25 years. For better or worse, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers have long disappeared, while a German now sits in the dugout where Keegan once perched. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for next year's international tournament: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Real-Time Coverage

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for women's football cup news from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Today's Statement

“There we stood in a long row, wearing only our undergarments. We were Europe’s best referees, premier athletes, inspirations, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with strong principles … however all remained silent. We scarcely made eye contact, our gazes flickered a bit nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina inspected us completely with an ice-cold gaze. Silent and observant” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures match officials were formerly exposed to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“What’s in a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists named ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to manage the main squad. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and distributed some merchandise, I've opted to write and share a brief observation. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the school playground with kids he knew would beat him up. This masochistic tendency must account for his option to move to Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|